You Would’ve Loved This Place

I have never been someone who’s good at change or the unknown. My life had always been one long, predictable routine, and for a long time, I was okay with that. I rarely stepped outside the little bubble of my life until I went to college and was forced to find growth in an unfamiliar place. 

That first year of college taught me more about myself than I ever expected. I learned how I show up around different people, how I handle unfamiliar situations, and that I could live hundreds of miles away from everything I knew and still be okay.

Although that year brought immense growth I’ll forever be thankful for, something still felt missing. Travel has always interested me, but as someone who grew up feeling afraid of new experiences, it seemed out of reach. I’d traveled to other states and a couple of countries with my family, but those trips felt very safe and protected in my parents’ hands. Deep down, I knew the kind of growth I was craving would only come from doing something I’d always thought was impossible: traveling alone and figuring it out as I went.

That opportunity presented itself during my second year of college when I applied to a study abroad program in London on a whim. It didn’t feel like a real possibility and I never expected to get in. When I got my acceptance letter, I was thrilled and absolutely terrified. But one thing about me is that if I commit to something, I see it through.

So there I was, ready to take the leap when the unimaginable happened.

Three months before I was set to leave, I got a phone call from my mom saying that my dad had unexpectedly passed away. It was St. Patrick’s Day weekend and all my friends were getting ready for a party, living their normal college lives, when my world stopped spinning. I flew home to be with my family and spent the next few weeks in a state of shock and disbelief. How is everyday life supposed to continue when something so monumental has changed mine forever?

Two weeks later, I decided to return to school for spring quarter. To this day, I’m not sure why or how I did it. The quarter passed in a blur and I don’t remember much of it. It was like I was living without actually living.

Then, much sooner than I was ready for, the date of my study abroad trip arrived. At first, I didn’t want to go anymore. It felt like the past months had taken everything out of me. After talking it over with my mom, I finally decided I needed to go. If losing my dad taught me anything, it was how strong I could be in circumstances that would bring most people down.

I cried through the first leg of my flight to London. I felt terrified and like I’d made the wrong decision, but I was strangely excited at the same time. Once I arrived, everything changed. London was unlike anywhere I’d ever been. It was fast-paced, full of life, and it was the first time I’d felt true happiness in months. Living in London became one of the best experiences of my life, and it’s a city I’ll always hold close to my heart.

When my program ended, my mom, brother, and aunt joined me in France. Together, we traveled from the south of France all the way up to Paris, eating croissants, speaking terrible French, and making unforgettable memories. Although the pain of losing such an important person was still there, we all found happiness and peace in those two weeks. After that, I spent two weeks in the Greek islands with my friend Rachel, swimming in the impossibly blue water and meeting people from all over the world. I truly believe that summer began a healing process I never could have started on my own. Travel saved me in ways I didn’t even know I needed and helped me find myself when I was so incredibly lost.

This past September, I spent a month visiting seven different countries, each one teaching me something new about who I am and who I want to become. I’ll be sharing more about that journey soon because, much like my first trip abroad, it completely changed my life.

I want this blog to be about the travels and experiences that have shaped me, but it’s important to me that anyone reading understands why travel means so much. It’s not just a hobby, it’s a necessity. I still think about my dad every day and miss him deeply. There are so many places I know he wanted to see, and it breaks my heart that he can’t. Every time I travel somewhere new, I think of him, knowing he’s with me every step of the way.

Travel wasn’t something that came naturally to me. In truth, it once terrified me. But through everything I’ve experienced, I’ve learned that life is about meeting as many people and seeing as many places as you can while you still have the chance. Don’t wait for someday. Someday is now.